When the power dynamic is off

Zoie Newman • February 2, 2026

Dealing with a Challenging Supervisor

When I was in college, I worked as a student employee for the university I attended. This was not only one of my first jobs, but also my first experience working in an office environment, which made it feel especially significant. I was both excited and proud to be in that position, as it carried a sense of importance for me. After a couple of years, I was promoted to a new role located directly in the Dean’s office of one of the university’s schools. Saying that I was thrilled would be an understatement; it was the very first promotion I had received in my early professional journey. This opportunity allowed me to leave my fast-food weekend job behind and finally pay for my own living situation. For a young woman who aspired to a career in the corporate world, this felt like a big deal.


During my first week in the new role, I quickly discovered that one of my two direct supervisors was a bully. Her expectations were extremely high, and she demanded that I master tasks immediately after only showing me once. Whenever I made mistakes or needed clarification by asking additional questions, she would respond by yelling and storming angrily around the office. The environment became so stressful that, at one point, I had to retreat into the copy room to conceal my tears after being scolded for incorrectly processing a purchase order.


Reflecting on my experience’s years later and viewing them through the lens of my conflict management expertise, I recognize an essential principle that I emphasize frequently: when you are the one holding power in a relationship or organization, it is your direct responsibility to address and balance that power dynamic. Whether your authority comes from your position, your title, or your influence, it is your duty to consciously give power back in support of those you lead. 



This raises an important question: what approaches are available to a young professional when faced with the reality that their boss holds all the power, while they themselves have none? Furthermore, what can they do when the person in authority is not receptive to shifting that dynamic or relinquishing any measure of control?

 

Recognizing Your Personal Agency


One important lesson I learned while working under a difficult boss was the importance of understanding where I actually had agency and held power. Although I did not have much control over the overall situation, a friend advised me that I did have power over myself—specifically, my reactions and how I perceived my boss’s attitude toward me. By choosing to take her bullying less personally and recognizing that her behavior stemmed from deeper insecurities in her own leadership, I began to notice a shift in our dynamic. This understanding of my power increased my self-esteem which affected how I expressed myself outwardly, altering the dynamic between us. While she continued to bully and yell at other student workers, she started to treat me with more respect once she realized her behavior no longer affected me.


Enhancing Social Awareness


One of the pivotal strategies I adopted during my time under a challenging supervisor was to develop and enhance my social awareness. After I managed to step back from the cycle of negativity that often accompanied our interactions, I found I had more mental clarity and energy to observe the environment around me. This shift allowed me to pay closer attention to my boss’s specific expectations, which often went beyond her direct instructions.


For example, although she would sometimes assign tasks with a deadline of three days, her demeanor, body language, and other nonverbal cues communicated a different message. It became clear that she wanted her assignments to be completed as an immediate priority and handled with a high degree of accuracy. Recognizing this, I made a conscious effort to improve my skills with the required software and became more efficient at processing invoices and purchase orders. By consistently prioritizing her work, I was able to better meet her unspoken expectations.


While it could be argued that it was her responsibility to communicate her needs more clearly, research indicates that a significant portion of our communication—up to 97%—is nonverbal. By focusing on these nonverbal signals and enhancing my understanding of what she was unable or unwilling to articulate, I was able to significantly improve our professional relationship.


Changing My Circumstances


Despite the difficulties I encountered in my role, I remained determined to stay. The position provided invaluable experience and helped me build connections that would be important for my future. With this in mind, I kept myself open to the possibility that I could continue working there, but under different circumstances.


This belief eventually led to a positive change: I transitioned into a new role where my former boss became an indirect supervisor. I was relocated to a different office, which significantly reduced my stress levels and shifted the power dynamic between us. The new setup included another individual who served as a buffer between me and my previous supervisor. With someone else placed between us, I found the environment less tense, and over time, I was able to transform the relationship with my former bully into one of friendship.

 



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The Sage Source: Insights in HR & Development

How HR Can Do Better

By Zoie Newman • June 1, 2026
Most people have a story about HR, and often that story includes disappointment. Through layoffs, FMLA requests, harassment, difficult managers, and other workplace challenges, HR is meant to support employees. It should be a resource for people during some of the hardest moments, because we do not leave our personal experiences at the door when we come to work. But in many modern workplaces, that role has changed. HR is often feared, avoided, and burdened by a negative reputation. So how did we get here, and how can we do better? HR emerged in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, when organizations began to recognize that employee well-being was closely connected to productivity during the industrial revolution. Over time, the field gained momentum through labor strikes in the early 1900s, and ideas influenced by the Hawthorne Studies which changed our understanding of management theory. By the 1950s and 1960s, HR had become more established. Given its roots in improving working conditions, the question is: how do we return HR to that purpose? Recently, I’ve been reading Get It in Writing by Ryan Stygar, known online as Attorney Ryan. As someone starting a new HR business, I felt it was essential to add this perspective to my knowledge base and deepen my understanding of labor law. In the book, Stygar explains in detail what employees need to know about their rights at work. But after reading case study after case study—and seeing HR repeatedly framed as a form of “risk management” for companies—I began to question whether that description is accurate. I’ve had my own painful experiences with HR. In some cases, HR failed to protect me from harassment, bullying, and a hostile work environment until I eventually quit. I was often told that dealing with unacceptable behavior was simply part of my job. What stands out most to me is that, in trying to protect themselves, HR departments often do the opposite of effective risk management. Too often, they break the law instead, exposing their organizations to lawsuits, investigations, and damage to their own professional credibility. The truth is that a people-centered approach to HR is risk management. When organizations put the human experience at the center of how they lead and employ people, they reduce risk by addressing needs early and building healthier workplaces. Prioritizing people over short-term business interests is not a liability—it is one of the strongest protections an organization can have. So how can HR do better? It starts with returning to its original purpose: protecting people by creating safer, fairer, and more accountable workplaces. That means addressing harm early, responding to employee concerns with integrity, and recognizing that compliance alone is not enough. HR must be willing to challenge ineffective leadership, confront patterns of mistreatment, and advocate for systems that support both dignity and trust. Also, actively know the boundaries of the law, so you don’t go outside of it. If the field wants to rebuild credibility, it must stop asking employees to fear it and start giving them a reason to believe in it. For HR professionals, leaders, and organizations alike, the call is clear: build systems that protect people, listen before harm escalates, and treat trust as a responsibility—not a talking point.

The Difference Between Conflict Resolution & De-escalation

By Zoie Newman • May 4, 2026
Have you ever wondered if your team needs conflict resolution skills, de-escalation training, or perhaps both? What separates these two approaches? People often use the terms interchangeably, but conflict resolution and de-escalation are distinct skill sets to use at different stages of conflict. It can be crucial to deploy the right tools at the right time. When trying to repair a relationship when the emotions aren’t dealt with first, you can unintentionally escalate a conflict. Let’s break down the differences between de-escalation and conflict resolution and when to use both. What is De-escalation? Think of conflict resolution and de-escalation as tools in a toolbox: de-escalation is like a fire extinguisher, used to quickly cool down heated emotions and prevent the situation from getting out of control. Heated moments can come in waves, and deploying de-escalation can often happen repeatedly while we wait for others to processes the conflict. The most important part of de-escalation is to first learn to de-escalate yourself. Our own ability to self-regulate is crucial when it comes to practicing de-escalation. When we can self-regulate, we’re not as easily influenced to contribute to escalation. When self-regulated we can lean into the knowledge that we are all co-regulating with on another all the time and knowing this gives us the power to guide ourselves and those we’re in conflict with into a calmer state. De-escalation is both a verbal and nonverbal process, however our nonverbal cues are dominate and more important when trying to de-escalate someone. When someone is emotionally hijacked or in flight or fight, they are not listening but observing. Our nonverbal cues send the message of safety, and when that is backed by empathetic statements in a nonthreatening tone, a person can start to engage with their thinking brain and trust that others regard their concerns as highly as they do. To lean into co-regulation and cue de-escalation, stand openly and non-threateningly, maintain distance, keep a neutral expression and open palms, and soften your gaze, and head nodding to show listening and engagement. Lean in and mirror some cues to show empathy. Use a quiet, low voice for calm. What is Conflict Resolution? Conflict resolution, meanwhile, is like a set of blueprints and construction tools; once the immediate flames are out, you use these to investigate, rebuild understanding, and find lasting solutions. Conflict resolution consists of getting curious about what each party needs from resolution. When we focus on needs and move away from blame, judgement and criticism of the conflict we can get to the root of why we are in conflict. This is where our verbal communication starts to take center stage. When we articulate our own values and needs and ask the right questions and lean into the relationship building part of our preferred communication style we can resolve conflict in a health manner. Moving into conflict resolution and out of de-escalation, we engage in whole body listening, this means listening to all the verbal and nonverbal communication going on in the conflict. It is about reframing what you heard to clarify understanding, and finding common ground where understanding, adaption and resolution take place. Each approach plays a vital role, while de-escalation and conflict resolution are often mentioned together, each serves a unique purpose in managing workplace tension. De-escalation provides the immediate calm needed to create a safe environment, allowing everyone involved to regain composure. Only then can true conflict resolution begin, focusing on understanding core needs, values, and building lasting solutions. By equipping ourselves and our teams with both skill sets, we not only prevent unnecessary escalation but also pave the way for genuine connection and growth. Ultimately, mastering both approaches empowers us to turn moments of discord into opportunities for deeper trust, collaboration, and a healthier workplace culture.