When the power dynamic is off
Dealing with a Challenging Supervisor
When I was in college, I worked as a student employee for the university I attended. This was not only one of my first jobs, but also my first experience working in an office environment, which made it feel especially significant. I was both excited and proud to be in that position, as it carried a sense of importance for me. After a couple of years, I was promoted to a new role located directly in the Dean’s office of one of the university’s schools. Saying that I was thrilled would be an understatement; it was the very first promotion I had received in my early professional journey. This opportunity allowed me to leave my fast-food weekend job behind and finally pay for my own living situation. For a young woman who aspired to a career in the corporate world, this felt like a big deal.
During my first week in the new role, I quickly discovered that one of my two direct supervisors was a bully. Her expectations were extremely high, and she demanded that I master tasks immediately after only showing me once. Whenever I made mistakes or needed clarification by asking additional questions, she would respond by yelling and storming angrily around the office. The environment became so stressful that, at one point, I had to retreat into the copy room to conceal my tears after being scolded for incorrectly processing a purchase order.
Reflecting on my experience’s years later and viewing them through the lens of my conflict management expertise, I recognize an essential principle that I emphasize frequently: when you are the one holding power in a relationship or organization, it is your direct responsibility to address and balance that power dynamic. Whether your authority comes from your position, your title, or your influence, it is your duty to consciously give power back in support of those you lead.
This raises an important question: what approaches are available to a young professional when faced with the reality that their boss holds all the power, while they themselves have none? Furthermore, what can they do when the person in authority is not receptive to shifting that dynamic or relinquishing any measure of control?
Recognizing Your Personal Agency
One important lesson I learned while working under a difficult boss was the importance of understanding where I actually had agency and held power. Although I did not have much control over the overall situation, a friend advised me that I did have power over myself—specifically, my reactions and how I perceived my boss’s attitude toward me. By choosing to take her bullying less personally and recognizing that her behavior stemmed from deeper insecurities in her own leadership, I began to notice a shift in our dynamic. This understanding of my power increased my self-esteem which affected how I expressed myself outwardly, altering the dynamic between us. While she continued to bully and yell at other student workers, she started to treat me with more respect once she realized her behavior no longer affected me.
Enhancing Social Awareness
One of the pivotal strategies I adopted during my time under a challenging supervisor was to develop and enhance my social awareness. After I managed to step back from the cycle of negativity that often accompanied our interactions, I found I had more mental clarity and energy to observe the environment around me. This shift allowed me to pay closer attention to my boss’s specific expectations, which often went beyond her direct instructions.
For example, although she would sometimes assign tasks with a deadline of three days, her demeanor, body language, and other nonverbal cues communicated a different message. It became clear that she wanted her assignments to be completed as an immediate priority and handled with a high degree of accuracy. Recognizing this, I made a conscious effort to improve my skills with the required software and became more efficient at processing invoices and purchase orders. By consistently prioritizing her work, I was able to better meet her unspoken expectations.
While it could be argued that it was her responsibility to communicate her needs more clearly, research indicates that a significant portion of our communication—up to 97%—is nonverbal. By focusing on these nonverbal signals and enhancing my understanding of what she was unable or unwilling to articulate, I was able to significantly improve our professional relationship.
Changing My Circumstances
Despite the difficulties I encountered in my role, I remained determined to stay. The position provided invaluable experience and helped me build connections that would be important for my future. With this in mind, I kept myself open to the possibility that I could continue working there, but under different circumstances.
This belief eventually led to a positive change: I transitioned into a new role where my former boss became an indirect supervisor. I was relocated to a different office, which significantly reduced my stress levels and shifted the power dynamic between us. The new setup included another individual who served as a buffer between me and my previous supervisor. With someone else placed between us, I found the environment less tense, and over time, I was able to transform the relationship with my former bully into one of friendship.
Share
The Sage Source: Insights in HR & Development
