When the power dynamic is off

Zoie Newman • February 2, 2026

Dealing with a Challenging Supervisor

When I was in college, I worked as a student employee for the university I attended. This was not only one of my first jobs, but also my first experience working in an office environment, which made it feel especially significant. I was both excited and proud to be in that position, as it carried a sense of importance for me. After a couple of years, I was promoted to a new role located directly in the Dean’s office of one of the university’s schools. Saying that I was thrilled would be an understatement; it was the very first promotion I had received in my early professional journey. This opportunity allowed me to leave my fast-food weekend job behind and finally pay for my own living situation. For a young woman who aspired to a career in the corporate world, this felt like a big deal.


During my first week in the new role, I quickly discovered that one of my two direct supervisors was a bully. Her expectations were extremely high, and she demanded that I master tasks immediately after only showing me once. Whenever I made mistakes or needed clarification by asking additional questions, she would respond by yelling and storming angrily around the office. The environment became so stressful that, at one point, I had to retreat into the copy room to conceal my tears after being scolded for incorrectly processing a purchase order.


Reflecting on my experience’s years later and viewing them through the lens of my conflict management expertise, I recognize an essential principle that I emphasize frequently: when you are the one holding power in a relationship or organization, it is your direct responsibility to address and balance that power dynamic. Whether your authority comes from your position, your title, or your influence, it is your duty to consciously give power back in support of those you lead. 



This raises an important question: what approaches are available to a young professional when faced with the reality that their boss holds all the power, while they themselves have none? Furthermore, what can they do when the person in authority is not receptive to shifting that dynamic or relinquishing any measure of control?

 

Recognizing Your Personal Agency


One important lesson I learned while working under a difficult boss was the importance of understanding where I actually had agency and held power. Although I did not have much control over the overall situation, a friend advised me that I did have power over myself—specifically, my reactions and how I perceived my boss’s attitude toward me. By choosing to take her bullying less personally and recognizing that her behavior stemmed from deeper insecurities in her own leadership, I began to notice a shift in our dynamic. This understanding of my power increased my self-esteem which affected how I expressed myself outwardly, altering the dynamic between us. While she continued to bully and yell at other student workers, she started to treat me with more respect once she realized her behavior no longer affected me.


Enhancing Social Awareness


One of the pivotal strategies I adopted during my time under a challenging supervisor was to develop and enhance my social awareness. After I managed to step back from the cycle of negativity that often accompanied our interactions, I found I had more mental clarity and energy to observe the environment around me. This shift allowed me to pay closer attention to my boss’s specific expectations, which often went beyond her direct instructions.


For example, although she would sometimes assign tasks with a deadline of three days, her demeanor, body language, and other nonverbal cues communicated a different message. It became clear that she wanted her assignments to be completed as an immediate priority and handled with a high degree of accuracy. Recognizing this, I made a conscious effort to improve my skills with the required software and became more efficient at processing invoices and purchase orders. By consistently prioritizing her work, I was able to better meet her unspoken expectations.


While it could be argued that it was her responsibility to communicate her needs more clearly, research indicates that a significant portion of our communication—up to 97%—is nonverbal. By focusing on these nonverbal signals and enhancing my understanding of what she was unable or unwilling to articulate, I was able to significantly improve our professional relationship.


Changing My Circumstances


Despite the difficulties I encountered in my role, I remained determined to stay. The position provided invaluable experience and helped me build connections that would be important for my future. With this in mind, I kept myself open to the possibility that I could continue working there, but under different circumstances.


This belief eventually led to a positive change: I transitioned into a new role where my former boss became an indirect supervisor. I was relocated to a different office, which significantly reduced my stress levels and shifted the power dynamic between us. The new setup included another individual who served as a buffer between me and my previous supervisor. With someone else placed between us, I found the environment less tense, and over time, I was able to transform the relationship with my former bully into one of friendship.

 



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The Sage Source: Insights in HR & Development

When Workplace Trust Breaks: How to Rebuild After Conflict

By Zoie Newman • July 6, 2026
Recently in an online course I was teaching around conflict resolution the question came up, “what happens when the other person refuses to let the conflict go?” We talk a lot about resolving conflict, but less about what happens afterward. Even when the conversation is over, the impact may remain. Trust does not automatically return because someone apologized, a meeting was held, or HR closed a case, and the other party might be unable to let go of their anger until real action is being taken. Rebuilding trust requires accountability, consistency, and a willingness to repair what was damaged. What breaks trust? Inconsistency, micromanaging, and gossip are all the obvious answers, but the mishandling of conflict with either avoidance, being overly direct and aggressive or the simple fact that resolution didn’t land very well with one party, can all have its impact. But if it’s the later reason, and you feel you have done everything you can to create a meaningful space to resolve conflict, be empathetic and listen to someone’s needs and trust has still not returned then it’s possible we are trying to move on to quickly. The best action one can take after conflict can sometimes allow for pause. We often talk about pause before responding or engaging in conflict, but it can also be a great tool to use after conflict as well to allow people to process and emotions to cool. One of the greatest gifts we can give others is to show respect and showing respect to someone’s emotions by not rushing past them but acknowledging them and letting them be without fixing it. When repair is possible, we can rebuild trust with this simple model I like from “The Trust Advisor” by Maister, Green & Galford Trust = Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy Self-Orientation We can have accuracy, dependability, empathy and discernment, while also thinking about their needs versus our own. All these steps over time can help you slowly rebuild trust and show goodwill in sticking with the resolution of conflict. When trust is not possible to rebuild, we have our values to guide us. This is where turning values affirmation exercise onto a particular circumstance or conflict can be beneficial to help guide you on your own behaviors. For instance, if kindness is a strong core value for you, then what behaviors can you create and reflect on that continue to show the other person kindness? What actions help you be kind through a difficult or awkward dynamic? Being self-guided in your own actions and forward movement after conflict will be the cornerstone for meaningful resolution when the other party has disengaged from resolution or the relationship. Ultimately, rebuilding trust after conflict is not about forcing closure or convincing someone to move on before they are ready. It is about showing, over time, that repair matters through consistent behavior, thoughtful accountability, and respect for the impact the conflict created. Sometimes trust can be rebuilt into something stronger, and sometimes the healthiest outcome is learning how to move forward with integrity, even when the relationship does not fully recover. Either way, conflict gives us an opportunity to practice who we want to be, steady, honest, empathetic, and guided by our values. When we stop treating resolution as the end of the process and begin seeing repair as part of the work, we create workplaces where trust has a real chance to return.

How HR Can Do Better

By Zoie Newman • June 1, 2026
Most people have a story about HR, and often that story includes disappointment. Through layoffs, FMLA requests, harassment, difficult managers, and other workplace challenges, HR is meant to support employees. It should be a resource for people during some of the hardest moments, because we do not leave our personal experiences at the door when we come to work. But in many modern workplaces, that role has changed. HR is often feared, avoided, and burdened by a negative reputation. So how did we get here, and how can we do better? HR emerged in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, when organizations began to recognize that employee well-being was closely connected to productivity during the industrial revolution. Over time, the field gained momentum through labor strikes in the early 1900s, and ideas influenced by the Hawthorne Studies which changed our understanding of management theory. By the 1950s and 1960s, HR had become more established. Given its roots in improving working conditions, the question is: how do we return HR to that purpose? Recently, I’ve been reading Get It in Writing by Ryan Stygar, known online as Attorney Ryan. As someone starting a new HR business, I felt it was essential to add this perspective to my knowledge base and deepen my understanding of labor law. In the book, Stygar explains in detail what employees need to know about their rights at work. But after reading case study after case study—and seeing HR repeatedly framed as a form of “risk management” for companies—I began to question whether that description is accurate. I’ve had my own painful experiences with HR. In some cases, HR failed to protect me from harassment, bullying, and a hostile work environment until I eventually quit. I was often told that dealing with unacceptable behavior was simply part of my job. What stands out most to me is that, in trying to protect themselves, HR departments often do the opposite of effective risk management. Too often, they break the law instead, exposing their organizations to lawsuits, investigations, and damage to their own professional credibility. The truth is that a people-centered approach to HR is risk management. When organizations put the human experience at the center of how they lead and employ people, they reduce risk by addressing needs early and building healthier workplaces. Prioritizing people over short-term business interests is not a liability—it is one of the strongest protections an organization can have. So how can HR do better? It starts with returning to its original purpose: protecting people by creating safer, fairer, and more accountable workplaces. That means addressing harm early, responding to employee concerns with integrity, and recognizing that compliance alone is not enough. HR must be willing to challenge ineffective leadership, confront patterns of mistreatment, and advocate for systems that support both dignity and trust. Also, actively know the boundaries of the law, so you don’t go outside of it. If the field wants to rebuild credibility, it must stop asking employees to fear it and start giving them a reason to believe in it. For HR professionals, leaders, and organizations alike, the call is clear: build systems that protect people, listen before harm escalates, and treat trust as a responsibility—not a talking point.